One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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