so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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