he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
