I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I have post one night stand depression
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