Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
