You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
