the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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