Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Is it penis luge time yet?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
