I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
