i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
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he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
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I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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