You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
