dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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