If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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