Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
