dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
people are starting to question the shark bite story
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
