Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
