how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
