I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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