I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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