Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
