Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
