What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
