I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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