I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
