We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
