They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
