please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
