it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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