Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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