dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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