your parents love me but you hate me
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
