it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
