i don't like sucking hair
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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