I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
