if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
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Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
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Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
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