i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He felt like a one man threesome
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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