I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
