One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
