dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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