I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
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I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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