I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
