East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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