Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
