I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
