There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
