There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
