I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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