We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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