So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.