Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.