I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Randomize
