We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
