i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
