he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The struggles of a small town man whore
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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