Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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