Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
