I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
