i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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