She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
soo... how was my night?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
