do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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