I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
