my vag is so smooth its legendary
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
