Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
