I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
