Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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