Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
