The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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