i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Its about making memories worth repressing
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
