i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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