She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
