i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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