Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
