I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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