I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
