It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
