I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
