o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Are we still banned from the library?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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