Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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