all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
