So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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