Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
