I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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