Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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